Addiction: Cutting
by crazyreader11
Summary: As disgusted as she was with herself, Sam couldn't find the will to stop. It provided relief and as a bonus, it could only harm her. But when Danny finds her—and almost too late—she realizes she'd been naïve and wrong all along. Cutting is not the answer.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! So, I know this isn't a One-shot but I figured that was okay. This story is kind of dark, which is out of character for me, but I'm hoping to expand my boundaries. This will not be super long, I promise! I did an outline this time so I can't just type my way through chapter after chapter.**

**I do NOT own DP. Enjoy (as much as you can with an angst story)!**

**First Passage**

One for the differences between her and her parents, too many to count.

Another for the names at school that didn't sound as false as she once knew them to be.

One for the words she exchanged with Tucker over the shallow topic of meat.

One for the detentions, one for the poor grades, and one for the bruises he willingly took day after day after day.

And two for killing _him_ halfway; her best friend; her secret lover.

**_xxxxx_**

"Hey Sam, are you feeling okay?" Danny asked during lunch. He couldn't help but feel concerned over his gothic beauty who seemed to look paler and more tired each passing day.

"Ya, I feel fine. Why?" Her temporary relief had yet to leave her, the numbness having helped her through the first half of her wretched day. She'd had to deal with a cocky hockey player who hadn't learned the meaning of 'no,' Paulina and her satellites, and an ignorant art teacher who wouldn't know the difference between a Monet and Renoir if he'd been slapped over the head with them.

"It's just, I don't know, you seem…" Danny trailed, unsure how to finish without sounding like an ass. He may not know why he'd been dubbed 'Clueless One' in the first place, but he knew it to be true.

"Exhausted," Tucker finished, also worried over his pseudo-sister.

"Well, I do feel kind of tired but that's because I couldn't fall asleep last night," she admitted. She'd been plagued with thoughts of how to handle the next day, when she'd be left alone at school. Danny and Tucker had a field day for Spanish, the one class she hadn't signed up for with them. She'd opted for French since her mother had made sure she could conversationally speak four other languages besides English by the time she turned ten. She had like French the best.

"Ya, but—" Danny couldn't finish as his ghost sense cut him off followed by screams from his fellow classmates. Tucker and Sam covered him as he morphed into his Phantom form before following his chase inside Casper's halls. School would be released the remainder of the day now so they wouldn't have to worry about being seen helping the ghost boy, especially in the library.

"Hey ugly! Who're you?" Danny called to the ghostly form hovering above the bookshelves.

The ghost swiveled around to reveal red slits for eyes and clothing reminding the trio of Aladdin, but with cloth covering most of his face like that of a ninja. He didn't say anything, opting instead to raise his hands, and by association of his powers most of the books and novels in the room too. He thrust his arms forward sending about twenty textbooks Danny's way.

Danny narrowly avoided the attack, returning a few ice rays at Sam's insistence. The school could not afford a burnt down library. "Hey Bookworm, is that all you've got?" he taunted as he froze another series out of the air.

Tucker had been making his way beneath the fight to try and position himself better to suck the new spirit into the thermos when an encyclopedia caught Danny off-guard. The halfa fell on top of Tuck causing the techno-geek to lose his grip on the thermos and send it flying through the air.

Sam, seeing this, decided she couldn't just stand around hiding any longer and made a mad dash across the room. Danny was slow to get up, leaving the ghost plenty of time to focus on the new threat. He sent few books Sam's way, surprised when she fluently dodged them all.

Just as the thermos came within reaching distance however, the spirit let loose an awful howl and sent forth an army of binded paperbacks. Sam's legs refused to move as her eyes widened at the coming attack. She heard Danny and Tucker yell to her but couldn't bring herself to look their way, closing her eyes and waiting instead.

She felt a thud push her back but no sharp edges shred her skin. Opening her eyes in confusion, she found that Danny had taken the blow for her. She looked on in horror as his body bled ectoplasm from the myriad of small cuts all along his body. That could have been her.

That should have been her.

She saw the ghost raise his hands to finish them off but this time her body moved on autopilot and she successfully locked him inside the Fenton Thermos, shaking it for good measure. She ran back over the Danny, whose face contorted with pain.

"Tucker, are you okay?" she called as she smoothed Danny's hair back in a nervous tick.

Standing, Tucker limped to her side answering, "A little sore but fine compared to him. C'mon, let's get him to Jazz's car."

Tucker pulled his cell out to call Jazz and left Sam to inform Danny on their plans. "After Tuck calls Jazz we'll move you to her car and then I'll take care of you. It's okay if you pass out and sleep Danny," she cooed, knowing he couldn't feel pain when unconscious. He immediately let go as soon as she told him it was okay.

The next time he opened his eyes he had to take a minute to blink away the blinding white pain. He whimpered as he felt his cuts sting. "I'm sorry Danny, but these need to be cleaned," Sam hoarsely whispered as she threw away another bloodied cotton ball. She hated causing him more pain but knew it was a necessary evil to make sure the wounds healed properly. "Go back to sleep."

Another hour later, Sam had finished her cleaning and let a breath of relief out when she witnessed his healing abilities take control. She went to tell Tucker and Jazz, who had made themselves busy by preparing dinner for Danny since none of them had much of an appetite.

"All done?" Tucker questioned when Sam entered the kitchen. She nodded in response.

"I know he looks really bad, but he'll be back to normal by tomorrow, right?" Jazz anxiously asked, seeing the blood stains in her car flash before her eyes. She hated witnessing her younger brother in pain and felt awful that she couldn't do much about it.

"Ya," Sam breathed, taking the filled plate from Jazz's shaking hands to bring up to Danny. "He should be waking any minute now."

She made her way back to his room and set his plate on his desk, walking to his bathroom to wash up. She looked horrible, red-rimmed eyes with bags beneath them. She felt terrible too, knowing that this time she was solely at fault for his suffering. If only she had moved. If only she'd been smarter and thought through her actions. If only Danny didn't have such a hero complex. If only…

She finished washing her face and walked over to the chair she'd pulled up to his bed earlier, taking a seat. He awoke shortly after, his grin faltering into a frown at Sam's depressed demeanor. "Hey," he rasped.

Sam adorned her mask over her thoughts and emotional turmoil, smiling at a groggy Danny. "Hey, how're you feeling? Are you hungry? Jazz and Tucker cooked dinner." She presented him with his favorite dish: a loaded burrito with rice and special cheese sauce, some napkins, a fork, and a large glass of water.

Many of his cuts looked remarkably smaller if not gone all together, so she could help him sit up with only minor difficulty. "Thanks Sam. How's Tucker doing? I remember landing on him."

"His ankle is a bit swollen but he'll be just fine in the morning."

"And you? I pushed you pretty hard. Do you have any bruises or cuts? Did you hit your head?" He always put her well-being before his, Sam noticed with a guilt stuffed stomach. Danny was such a great friend and it seemed all she caused him was havoc and suffering.

"Danny I'm fine. Don't worry about me, worry about yourself. Eat." At his piercing stare she sighed in annoyance and rolled her eyes. "The wind was knocked out of me and I think I might have hit my elbow but nothing major or long-lasting."

"Can I see?" He set his barely started dinner to the side, his hand reaching out for her arm.

"What? No!" Sam told him, panic settling in. She would have to roll up her sleeve and then he would see her scars. That would lead to questions and he'd be furious and disgusted with her. He'd hate her and she'd lose his friendship. She wasn't ready for that. "I'm perfectly fine."

"Sam, I just want to—"

"You know, it's getting pretty late. I need to head home but I'll see you and Tucker after your field day tomorrow, alright? Bye." She quickly left before he could try to stop her, giving Jazz and Tucker the same excuse as she rushed out the front door.

She bolted up to her room as soon as she entered her mansion. Her parents were out of town, of course, and her grandma Ida wouldn't be returning from her trip with her friends for another week. As soon as she was sure her door had locked she made her way to her computer keyboard. She should do an entry but the rush of fright she felt from Danny almost finding out created a white noise blocking out any rational thought.

Lifting her keyboard, she snatched her razor and drew it across her lower forearm welcoming the sting knowing she deserved it. A couple more slashes and she felt relaxed enough to set the weapon—her friend—down and begin her clean-up routine. Once the cuts were disinfected and wrapped, she crawled beneath her covers and drifted into a dark abyss.

**First chapter done. I should have another update up this week, if not tomorrow sometime. I want to post regularly so I can move on to other story ideas I want to pursue, one of which I've already rewritten the thesis seven flipping times! Ugh, the life of a writer...XD Lol, I hope you liked! Told you you haven't heard the last of me yet!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Another chapter?! I'm kind of surprised myself. Let me tell you: finding a job sucks, volunteering is exhausting, and senioritous is REAL!**

**I still have no rights or claims over DP.**

**Second Passage**

"Ya, that's definitely strange," Tucker agreed as he and Danny talked about Sam's behavior as of late. "What do you think is going on?"

"I have no idea so I was wondering if maybe we could…"

It took Tuck a minute to finish Danny's thought process. "O no! Sam hates being spied on!"

"Hear me out," Danny begged, growing desperate. "We'll just follow her around school invisibly for the day. She's hiding something Tuck."

With a sigh he agreed, rationalizing, "It's not warm enough for a field day anyway."

**_xxxxx_**

She hadn't set one foot over Casper's property line yet already Sam knew her day would suck. She pulled the sleeves of her dark blue sweatshirt, one Danny had left at her house a week ago, over her hands before inhaling a deep breath and heading in before she missed first hour. She had just enough time to grab her books from her locker while still being able to avoid the hot-seat.

She'd worn Danny's sweatshirt as a type of warning along with the dog tags Tucker had gifted her that past Hanukah. Hopefully, anyone who approached her would remember who her overprotective friends were and wouldn't bother her, though she doubted so. She held too much pride to ever tattle and admit she couldn't take care of herself like she constantly proclaimed.

First hour went by fast enough and Sam felt glad she'd worn her black skinny jeans instead of her usual skirt and leggings as she watched many other students shiver at the chilly temperature taking advantage of the school's lack of heating. She wondered how her boys were fairing outside at the college campus they were visiting.

She tried to make her way to her locker unnoticed as soon as first hour let up but her effort went to waste. "Hey freak, where's the other two losers?" Paulina asked. Sam ignored her.

"They're on that Spanish trip," Star informed, always up to speed on any information and events concerning their school. "Won't be back for the entire day."

Sam shivered under the hungry eyes of some of the school's top athletes, choosing to make her getaway that much quicker before something bigger could take place. It was too early to deal with that shit yet.

Danny glared at the jocks as he watched with Tucker from atop the lockers. He didn't approve of the way they looked at Sam like she was a slab of meat. Sure, she'd grown into a beautiful young woman, filling out perfectly in his opinion, but she deserved a gentleman's respect. Tucker frowned at Sam's almost submissive behavior, having been sure she'd snap at the shallow cheerleader like every other day.

Second mod differed greatly. The whole school now knew that Sam was without her boys. Notes were thrown her way from bullies and admirers alike. Guys constantly tugged on her hair or tried grabbing her hand as girls whispered nasty remarks from their jealousy from lack of attention. Luckily, the teacher wasn't quite as oblivious as presumed and kept her after to talk, which Sam waited out until she could safely make her way to her next hour.

"Dude, I don't like the feel of this," Tucker whispered as he and Danny floated about the school. The techno-geek had begun recording notes in his PDA and he pointed out how they paralleled an upcoming clash, like in the movies.

"Why hasn't she told us about this? I doubt it's a first-time thing by the way she's acting," Danny observed, his hand continually running through his hair.

"Pride?" Tucker guessed. "Fear? Embarrassment? I don't know bro."

The next encounter the boys witnessed happened during lunch. Sam had tried to sneak off to the library but had found her route blocked by a few thick headed jocks who wouldn't hesitate to act rash. She sought refuge in the girls' room but it was short lived.

"Hey Goth, why are you hiding in the bathroom?" Paulina maliciously teased as her victim shrunk into an open stall.

"There's some guys out there that just want to talk to you without being interrupted by your body guards," Selena, another cheerleader informed.

Sam shook her head. They didn't understand; some of those jocks didn't just want to talk. "I've already told them 'no' many times and I don't see how any of this concerns any of you."

"We're just trying to help you get out of your pitiful life," Paulina sneered. "I don't know what they see in an ugly witch like you though."

"No kidding. Not even Tucker hits on you and he hits on _all _the girls!" Selena exclaimed, eliciting laughter from their followers.

"Tucker's like my brother. He respects me," Sam spat, trying to stay unconcerned with the sudden logic that actually kind of made sense. Why didn't Tucker ever try to hit on her? She was glad he didn't but that didn't mean she didn't at least feel a little insulted.

"And Danny, well, how's the friend zone?" Star snorted.

Sam tensed. That had been a low blow. "Leave," she shakily demanded, feeling sick and the urge to cry overcoming her control.

"O my, have we hurt the Gothic creature's feelings?" Paulina taunted. Sam tried to close the stall door but the Queen Bee slammed it open before she had a chance to lock it.

Both Danny and Tucker were ready to intervene and would have had Valerie not beaten them too it, slamming the girl's door open and marching in. "What's goin' on in here?"

"Nothing that concerns you," Selena sneered, yelping when Valerie pushed her out of the way.

Storming up to Paulina, the two teens leveled their glares and Valerie threatened, "If you don't want me to ruin your hair or flawless face, I suggest you leave now." A miniature stare-off pursued before the group of snobby girls left. Valerie sighed.

"Thanks Val," Sam mumbled, ashamed as she slid her back against the tiled wall to sit on the floor.

"Sam, you have to tell someone," Valerie advised, kneeling beside the pale teenager.

"No."

"If you don't I will," she warned, though unsure.

"Val, you promised! I can't let them know they can get to me. It'll make everything even worse," Sam pleaded with tears pricking the corners of her eyes. She stubbornly rubbed them away.

The mocha colored teen shook her head and muttered, "I'm gunna regret this," before asking louder, "At least think about telling someone, okay?"

"Thank you," Sam whispered, nodding as the bell rang.

Danny and Tucker stayed back as the girls left their separate ways. They felt disgusted with the A-List females they usually chose to admire. How long had this been going on? When had this started? How bad had it gotten? Why couldn't she tell them?

"At least we know why Sam doesn't hate Val as much," Tucker muttered.

Danny fazed them through the ceiling and back to the roof where he set Tucker down and promptly punched a dent in the brick railing. "That only means Val has helped her enough times to gain her trust!" He was beyond pissed that Sam refused to tell him, or Tucker. He was disgusted at himself for idolizing the very bullies that hurt Sam without remorse or mercy. He felt helpless and he hated it. "We need to do something."

"But what? If we tell her what we saw she won't only kill us for spying on her, she'll also feel humiliated. We'll lose a lot of trust and respect and she'll push us away," Tucker pointed out.

"We have to think of something!" The two boys spent the rest of the school day conspiring on how to help Sam, but they couldn't think of much. Tucker's fingers itched to serve some technological justice from the powers of his PDA as he and Danny heard the hateful gossip spread about their friend. Danny could hardly think straight as he physically held himself back from showing everyone what should happen if they messed with Sam. He didn't know how many more times he could listen to the idiotic guys in their school make bets about the Gothic beauty before he attacked damned the consequences.

Finally, the last bell sounded and Sam could leave the hell hole. They followed her home as invisible body guards, keeping their distance so she couldn't detect them like she always seemed to be able to do. When Sam safely made it home, Danny flew him and Tucker up to her balcony and planned, "We'll knock on her window and try to get her to tell us. She might crack under all this stress."

Tucker agreed but held Danny's knock back when he saw Sam turn her webcam on. "Hold on a sec man," he instructed. He worked his magic on his PDA and before long he'd hacked Sam's computer. "Fly us to her roof."

Danny obliged and they stood above Sam's room watching her video as though she were skyping them. "She can't see us, right?" Danny asked.

"Right."

_"Dear Diary,"_ Sam started. She sat brushing her hair out before snuggling inside the hoodie. _"I should've stayed home. Hell would've been more friendly than my peers at Casper High, and this had been an easy day._

_"Val helped me from Paulina's clutches…again. She told me she thinks I should tell someone, but who would believe me? Not my parents, that's for sure. The administration favors them and looks down upon the lowlifes of the hierarchy like myself. And Danny and Tucker are too blinded with affection for the she-devils to believe me. They'd say I was acting jealous or something."_

They frowned at Sam's thoughts on them and their scowls only deepened as they wondered if she was right. Sam knew them better than themselves sometimes.

_"It's getting harder to tell myself their words aren't true. I mean, I don't need a guy to be happy but I might like one to be happier. Still, who would like an ordinary and plain girl; a freaky, Goth chick like me? I don't even understand why Danny and Tuck keep me around even as a friend._

Sam sighed, twitching her hand around the ends of her hair. The boys couldn't help but finally see how desperate she looked and their hearts sank at their realization.

_"I thought this entry would help but I only feel worse. I need to go be alone before I meet my boys later. I need to release this stress so I can be happy—or at least look happy—when I see them."_ The video feed cut off but neither of the boys missed the slight shade of fear cover her eyes.

"Okay," Danny began, "tonight we'll act normal and stuff but tomorrow we'll make sure she has the best day possible. We'll show her how much we appreciate her and even take some jabs at the girls we used to admire."

"Sounds like a plan," Tucker agreed.

Danny lifted them both into the air to bring home so they could change clothes before meeting at their usual hang out later as Sam began to weep. She hated feeling weak and trapped, but she had no sense of direction. All she knew was with one flick of her hand down her opposite wrist—or tonight her calf—her worries seemed to seep away with the blood flowing from her body. She sat mesmerized at the sight of her blood staining her black carpet. She'd have to scrub it clean later but luckily she liked dark colors so it'd be hard to tell anything had happened anyways.

Setting her razor back in its hiding spot, she forced her body to reach for her first aid and patch herself up. The numbness had been instant and she relished in it as she began to clean her cut and then any evidence of it ever happening. By the time she felt satisfied with her work she decided to change into her usual clothes so as not to raise suspicion, of course with long sleeves and loose fitting jeans nowadays in order to conceal her secret, and then set off to the Nasty Burger to meet up with Danny and Tucker.

**So, if I'm lucky enough I'll post again tomorrow. If not, well, this weekend for sure!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Guess who scored an interview? That's right! This author right here! So to celebrate I decided to post this chapter(:**

**I do not have legal ownership of DP.**

**Third Passage**

She didn't know what had happened but for some reason, her boys had decided to pull out all the stunts for her today. They greeted her with a blueberry muffin for breakfast, her favorite, and were both on time to pick her up at her door. Danny complimented her many times, forcing her blush to permanently color her cheeks for the better half of the day. Tucker ate minimal meat and even tried her tofu, which he'd admitted tasted okay after he drowned it in barbeque sauce.

They'd promised to take her out for ice cream and horror movies later on as well. They played nasty tricks on the jocks for the way they looked at her and saw through her ruse of anger to her thankfulness. They stuck their noses up at the preppy girls and even disowned their abundant beauty. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

But then she remembered that they almost never did anything nice for her unless they felt guilty.

"Alright boys, what have you done?" she questioned as they grew comfortable on a hill in Amity's park to wait for the stars to come out and shine.

"What do you mean?" Tucker asked, having already mentally prepared for her prodding. Sam's a smart cookie and the last time he refused seconds on meat had been when he'd accidentally told her mom she'd bought a pink sweater. He'd neglected to mention it had been something for her to wear to the mud race and it resulted in Sam's closet overfilling with pink and frilly sweaters the next day.

"You guys are being too nice," Sam commented, rolling onto her stomach so she could look at both of them to try evaluating which was lying and when.

"Can't we just do something nice for you?" Danny countered, reaching out to tuck some hair behind her ear. He'd noticed she liked when he did that, though he had no idea why considering she hated when anyone else touched her at all.

"Well, ya, but normally your only super nice if you did something you know will piss me off," Sam stuttered, managing a glare only after Danny's hand returned to his own person.

This was the opening they'd been waiting for all night. "You always accuse us of stuff when you're hiding something from us," Tucker announced, turning on his side to box her in as Danny mirrored his actions. Immediately Sam's breathing restricted and her form stiffened.

"What? No! I'm not accusing you of anything!" she poorly defended.

"Sam, if something's bothering you, you can talk to us. You can talk to me," Danny added the last part a bit quieter, not that Tucker would have minded. Sam wiped her sleeve across her forehead, her stomach churning. She needed to leave before she slipped and they caught her.

"I don't need to be accused of this crap," she muttered as she stood. "I'll see you guys at school tomorrow."

"Sam, why are you running away?" Tucker stood along with Danny, his question sounding more like an accusation. The Sam they knew would have threatened to beat them up or spewed some highly relevant logic about how they only accused her when they grew desperate after being caught about doing something she wouldn't like.

"Sammy, what are you hiding? What aren't you telling us?"

She alternated her scowl between the two before making a break for it. Her mind refused to work, her words sticking in her throat. Danny and Tucker shared concerned glances before Danny turned into Phantom and he flew after her. Tucker headed down the hill to the fountain as Danny caught their running rebel, hoping the water might soothe her.

Sam struggled against Danny's arms as they securely wrapped around her, lifting her into the air with him. "Damn it Danny, put me down!"

"Sam, we want to help but we can only do that if you let us." Still she struggled, so much so that Danny had to bind her hands with ecto-goo to gain any leverage.

"Danny, undo these restraints right this instant," Sam growled, refusing to look either of them in the eye. She was beyond pissed and the withdrawal from her addiction, as much as she hated to label it as such, itched her every fiber.

"Not until you talk to us."

"Sam, please," Tucker begged. "If not both of us, at least tell one of us."

"No! My private life is none of your business. I need to get home it's late."

"Sammy, it's seven o'clock," Danny pointed out, trying to stay calm and reach her.

"Don't fucking call me that!" Sam could not stop her sweating or her tongue. Her breathing felt erratic. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears drowning everything except the call of her blade just down the street, tucked safely away in her room. She needed to get to it so she could calm herself down enough to think like the level headed person she was supposed to be.

"Samantha Manson, you do not swear at me fir worrying about you," Danny's steel voice ripped through the suddenly frigged air. Even Tucker tensed at his tone.

"Don't tell me what to do Daniel! You're not my father! You're not my boyfriend!"

"I am your best friend! Sam, I care about you. _We_ care about you!"

Silence.

Sam slowly lifted her head, her gaze empty and shadowed behind her loose hanging bangs from thrashing so violently earlier. She didn't really mean what she was about to say, but desperate times called for desperate measures. It's not like she was in any mental state to really mean much of anything now anyways. "I. Hate. _You._"

Tucker's eyes bulged, Sam's stomach flopped, and Danny stumbled back a few steps. He tripped on a rock and though no damage had been inflicted on him, the distraction had been enough for him to lose focus on her bindings and set her free. She took their stunned moments as her chance to escape and sprinted out the park entrance before heading to her home.

"Dude, something is seriously wrong," Tucker stated, no longer a question in his mind besides what the hell was actually going on. He'd seen the frenzied and shuttered look in her eyes before the cold took over and she looked up to utter those three disdainful words. He felt positive she didn't really mean them, so why would she say them? Sam never said anything she didn't mean, but she hadn't meant this yet she'd said it anyway.

Danny's heart cried out as he sat numbly on the dew covered grass. How could the girl he was falling in love with hate him when he'd only been worried about her? "Y-You don't think…"

"Absolutely not," Tucker answered, already knowing where Danny's train of thought had led him to question. "She doesn't hate us; she's scared _we're_ going to hate _her_. She's using a defense mechanism called 'projection,' which we learned in psychology last term."

"You're sure?"

"Not a doubt in my mind."

"Then I'm going after her."

**_xxxxx_**

For a full minute Sam did nothing but breathe heavily as she leaned against her door, locked even if that couldn't really keep the boys out with Danny's ghost powers. She couldn't believe she had just told the man she loved she hated him. And for what? For trying to help her when he saw she was in need? This is why Danny would never love her back. She didn't deserve him, especially after tonight.

She wandered around her room feeling lost before turning to face her floor length mirror. She glared at her reflection. "You are a worthless piece of scum," she told herself, the exact words Paulina had used before she'd pushed Sam down into the bus lot one day after school when she'd been waiting for her two best friends. She was lucky the buses were running late, or else she'd have been toast. The school had yet to de-ice the lot back then so buses had been skidding and colliding all week. No way would she have not been hit.

She probably would have died.

"You should have died," Sam said to herself once more. It made more sense that way. It would have saved everyone a whole lot of time if she'd passed that day. It would have saved Danny and Tucker a whole lot of effort if they didn't have to protect her from everything anymore. They'd probably be happier without her there to nag and complain to them.

"Mom and Dad don't even try getting to know you." _Sam, why can't you behave like a normal high society girl? Sam, when will you learn respect and some manners? Samantha, that's no way a young lady should act! _"They're right, you're not normal. You're a freak."

_Hey Gothica, you're so pale it's as though you're a walking corpse. No wonder no one wants to date you! Hey freak, how's it feel to know the only guy you like thinks your invisible? Goth girl, why can't you just leave and save everyone some space? Not that you take much up anyway with how thin you are. _"If so many girls say the same thing, how does that make them wrong? You're in denial Sam," she accused her reflection, her arms hugging her shaking form.

_Hey hot stuff, I'll show you some appreciation. Babe, you don't got much but you got something. Damn your fine! I'll give you a life if you give me some. Whoa Manson, you should find this an honor that I'd be willing to hit on someone like you. _"You don't deserve a real relationship, especially with someone as pure and kind hearted as Danny. You'd only be dragging him down."

_Face it Sam, no one wants you._ She let her head fall.

_No one would miss you._ She glanced at her keyboard, inching her way closer even as her heart beat rapidly.

_All the pain would vanish and you'd never have to feel it again._ She hadn't thought she wanted to die, so to drown the pessimistic voices running rampage through her mind, she stripped down to her bra and spandex, took the razor, and carved into her arms and legs and stomach. She hoped it would be enough to stop the words and memories and thoughts but it just wasn't.

She felt numb, but not her normal and comfortable numbness. She felt empty, and what good did that provide? Looking back at her mirror, she carried her razor as she slid her feet across her carpet until her could place her bloody palm on its freezing surface. The girls had said it many times before: she looked dead.

So why shouldn't she _be_ dead too?

She surveyed the cuts marring her entire body, not an inch that hadn't been torn by her blade. Hey eyes, she didn't want to look at the cold nothingness that lay behind them. As she took her hair binder out to she could hide behind her thick raven locks, she heard somewhere in her unconscious plead with her not to do it. To take a step back and try to think rationally, but the dark within her mind easily squashed it.

She dropped the razor, but not because she was through. No, she dropped it to replace it for the Swiss army knife she'd stolen from Skulker's lair a month ago when she'd been taken hostage by the metal hunter in order to trap Danny. She'd almost been the cause of his death once more and in a frantic need had taken the knife while captured for a much needed release. She couldn't have lost it yet, not when Danny needed her to escape the mess she'd put him in.

That had been during the first few times she'd began cut herself, so one scratch had been enough and when Danny had seen the mark later, she'd been able to pass it off as a result of their battle. Not too many wounds had painted her arms yet so her plausible story had been easily accepted. She'd kept the knife with an irrational fear that Skulker would show Danny or something stupid like that.

And now she was putting the deadly blade to good use. Clutched in her right hand, she raised the knife to her neck and aligned it with the one vein she knew wouldn't heal in time. The vein that would end it all with one quick swipe of her arm.

One deep breath in, her last ever.

And then all went black.

**:O What's going to happen?! How could I end on such a cliffhanger?! Geez, I'm depressing lately...**

**So, I've heard (read) how some people believe Sam would never stoop to self-infliction, but I personally think she would if given the correct situations. She's a strong one and it would definitely take more than just one thing or another, so I want you to understand that hearing Danny talk about his kiss with Paulina was simply the cherry on top; the force that finally pushed her over the edge after many, many blows. It's never just one thing that leads people towards this path, but a combination of smaller things. **

**No, I do not and have never cut myself so don't worry. I'm writing this because it's an interesting side to Sam that we were never shown in the TV show (for obvious reasons). **

**I hope you liked this chapter, I know it was short. If all goes well tomorrow I might just post another chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

**So I think the interview went well, but I couldn't upload this chapter yesterday because I ended up babysitting. Though, I can't really call them babies anymore! OMG, people grow up so fast!**

**Don't own DP is me.**

**Fourth Passage**

Danny had flown over the park just in case she'd ran down a path to find refuge in a tree or somewhere in the nature she cared for so much before deciding to head to her house. She didn't go out much nowadays, once he thought about it, so it wasn't likely she'd ran to the Nasty Burger or the movies, especially when she had her own theater in her basement.

He calmed his temper when he saw that her room's light was on. If he flew in there picking a fight, nothing would be accomplished and Sam would grow even more distant from him. And Tucker. He stood floating in mid-air and ready to knock before his mind actually took in what he was looking at: a mostly naked Sam.

But after the initial shock of seeing an overwhelming amount of his secret crush, he realized that the marks covering her body were wounds. And then he saw the blood dripping and collecting on the carpet beneath her as she stared at herself in her mirror, determination shining as she dropped something and went in search for something else.

He could not force his body into action at registering that she'd dropped a razor. She hadn't been crying for help because she'd been the one hurting herself. She'd used the blade to cause self-harm. Blinking multiple times he wished this to be nothing but a nightmare so he could wake up and find Sam and Tucker bickering about something of no real consequence, only stopping to tease him about falling asleep during lunch or English class or just hanging out. He prayed this wasn't reality, that his beautiful Sam would never fall this low.

But as he caught sight of the object she'd retrieved he knew he couldn't take that chance. He couldn't _not_ do something because she had raised the knife to her throat. Her once stunning, breath-taking amethyst eyes had seemingly lost all hope. He had no time to form any sort of plan as his body launched forward, his hand snatching the weapon away intangibly and throwing it across the room. He heard Sam gasp but paid no heed as he focused on switching positions so she would fall on top of him instead of the other way around, as he'd used too much speed to catch them or successfully balance them with his powers.

He held her close to his chest, his breathing erratic as his ring came to life and transformed him back into Fenton without permission. It wasn't until he felt something warm and sticky trail down his arm that he realized Sam had been knocked unconscious and blood loss may factor into her well-being. With the loudest scream he could muster without triggering his Ghostly Wail Danny shouted, "HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!"

**_xxxxx_**

"You know, I never thought I'd be thanking a teenage boy for climbing my daughter's balcony and sneaking into her room," Jeremy Manson spoke through the silence as they, the Fenton family; the Foley family; he and his wife, sat waiting in the hospital's waiting room. He could no longer bare the quiet for it let his mind wander too far to dark corners better left unexplored.

"You shouldn't be thanking me," Danny insisted, "because I almost didn't make it in time."

"But you did, and that's what matters," Jazz said. It turns out they already had one depressed team member, they didn't need another. The halfa shrugged as he continued staring into space.

No one spoke again until Jazz took authority, knowing someone needed to be strong. "When Sam wakes up, we're going to have to react carefully. The following 24 hours after a suicide attempt," insert flinching from everyone else, "are the most important and unstable. She won't be thinking straight and had probably deluded herself prior to the attempt. She'll need all our support, especially when she goes into treatment. This won't go away overnight and we can't ignore this."

"Treatment?" Tucker asked, his thought process dazed as his mind continued processing that Sam had almost taken her life away.

"Yes, she'll have to go into treatment or a program in order to defeat this addiction, so it won't become a problem hopefully ever again."

"Jazz is right, we'll need to provide as much love and support as we can," Maddie added, determination filling her soul and ridding the emptiness descending throughout the group. "More hardships will be coming her way and until she's strong enough to handle them without this addiction, she'll be depending on all of us."

"She can depend on me too," a new voice intervened; Valerie's. Her mascara trailed down her cheeks as she joined the solemn group. "Mr. and Mrs. Manson, I'm so sorry. If I had known Sam had been doing something self-destructive I would have told you or the school or _someone_ immediately."

"Thank you dear," Pamela acknowledge, her tears finally drying. "It's nice to know Sam has another friend that cares for her." No more words were spoken for another half hour when a nurse came to inform them that Sam had awoken and they could see her. Since the Mansons paid for a room all to her own, everyone could follow inside without feeling too crammed. The Goth in question avoided any eye contact and refused to speak, her gaze looking like she really had died.

"How are you feeling Sam?" Jeremy asked, acknowledging the tomboy nickname she'd always asked her parents to call her by. "Is there anything you need?"

Surprising the group, the small teen graced them with an answer. "No," she whispered. Tucker felt put off at the weak voice he'd heard from strong, independent Sam. He had to lean into his parents for extra support before he lost his balance. Danny shook with displaced anger. _This is not my Sam_. Jack had to place a hand on his shoulder to stop his shaking, Maddie an arm around his waist to lean against. Jazz and Valerie seemed to lean into one another, both trying to remain strong for the third female since she was incapable of strength at the moment.

"Sam, honey," Pamela hesitantly began, moving forward to take her daughter's hand. She may not have been the best mother in the past but that was about to change. "I want you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone, anyone in this room is willing to listen. We all care—" but Danny punched the wall next to the door, successfully cutting off whatever else Pamela had to say. His temper problems came from his ghost half and he tried to control them to the best of his abilities, but he needed an outlet.

"Just yell at me already," Sam's voice cut through the tense air as she swung her gaze to the furious halfa, who refused to look away from the dent he'd created. When he risked a glance back the effect was immediate. Everyone became aware that they only saw each other, this conversation delicate and consuming their reality at the moment.

"I will not yell at you for your choices when we both know that would only lead to more harm," he finally answered, his voice tense but mostly calm. His entire body stood facing Sam, his fists clenched at his side.

"If you get it all out you'll feel better," she promised.

"But you'll feel worse. And because you'll feel worse, I'll feel worse."

"Danny, I don't need to hear that. Just tell me you hate me so we can move on." _Whoa, that escalated quickly_, the teens in the room thought. The adults couldn't seem to grasp how wrong this sounded but they knew something was wrong with that statement. The boy couldn't possibly hate her, not with how he treated her. Not with how he looked at her. Not with how he cared for her.

"That's bullshit and we both know it. I could never hate you Sam," Danny proclaimed as he walked forward until his heated eyes met her lifeless ones. "It would be easier if I hated you."

"Then why don't you? You have enough problems in your life that you should jump at the chance of something easy."

"If I wanted something easy, I wouldn't be the man I am today. The world would be bowing down to me, deprived of all freedom as ghosts hid from me in fear of their afterlives," Danny stated in a no-shit tone that had the adults taking double checks, Tucker and Jazz smacking their foreheads in frustration, and Valerie staring warily at the teens as Sam hardly blinked.

"If I wanted easy, I would have taken that chance freshman year. At minimum, if I wanted easy I would have joined the fruit loop at his first offer. But you know what? The easy way would've sucked because the absolute easiest path I could have taken would have been to keep my mouth shut and body safe by not jumping in front of that bratty kid in the sandbox who'd been making fun of a small girl for using a boy's name. The easy way means giving you up and I could never bring myself to do that."

"Why?" No one dared to breathe as they saw a sliver of light shine beneath the hopelessness in her eyes. Danny had somehow reached her, but she wasn't back yet. "I killed you!"

"Only half way."

"Danny!"

"Because I love you Sammy," he finally admitted, shutting Sam's yap with an audible _click_. "Love isn't easy but it's worth it, and there is nothing on Earth or in the Ghost Zone that could ever get me to take our friendship back. Remember when you made that wish? Where we'd never met? That had been the worst week of my life, and I can clearly recall how dull life looked without you. How boring it seemed and worthless I felt."

It took a minute before Sam could utter a single thing, and panicking she blurted, "You're lying."

"Have I ever lied to you? You're in denial."

"No, you're just saying this because you almost lost me."

"And then I never would have been able to tell you how hard I've fallen for you. Somehow, with all your dark attire and Gothic outlook on life, you became my light. Imagine that," he dryly chuckled, a tear escaping as he thought of what could have happened had he been one second later. If he hadn't reacted fast enough, or if he'd never have met her in the first place.

Sam broke, unable to find a single speck of betrayal in Danny. She reached out for him, holding him tighter than he probably would have liked with all her cuts. She wanted him to herself for just a minute before she opened up for everyone else to have a turn holding her. In her moment of clarity she whispered into the room, "I need help. I _want_ help," and repeated it until everyone had heard it and she couldn't take it back.

**That was extremely drama filled, I thought. Next chapter is the last chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Heads up: this is more of an epilogue than a chapter. As dark and strange as this will sound, I enjoyed writing this. I've read a lot of cutting Fics where Sam cried all the time and cut herself over some pretty weak reasons, so I hope I did her justice. She is a strong young lady so if she ever were to break, it would have to be the result of a multitude of stuff and only broke enough for her vision to blur, her inner demon to take her common sense hostage, and sense of self temporarily lost.**

**At least, that's what I believe.**

**I have no contract stating that I own DP, so legally I have no rights over it either.**

**Fifth Passage**

She sat on her old bed reliving both good and bad memories as she took one last glance around her now empty room. Freshmen in college were required to live on campus for at least their first year, and today happened to be moving day. She couldn't believe that a little over a year ago she'd stood just in front of where she gazed at her reflection and almost took her own life. Now she had only a week left of the program for her problem with the razor. She'd be continuing therapy, just not as frequently as before. She made a mental note to talk with Clockwork about how time flew by.

Sam Manson took a deep, cleansing breath, falling backwards to stretch when her hand made contact with a loose board on her bed's framework. Confused, she sat up and examined the delicate carving before jostling it enough to remove the wooden cube from its placeholder. Her breathing restricted when she caught sight of the hidden possession lying oh-so-innocently inside.

She'd forgotten about her back-up's-back-up from all those months ago. The silver coloring of the blade glinted in the late afternoon sunshine, calling her; testing her. With a shaking hand she reached forward and took it, laying it flat on her palm and careful not to pinch her. She had no idea what she should do with it, if anything at all. Her counselor did preach about temptation a lot and how she should avoid it at all costs, but never had anyone told her what she should do if avoidance no longer became an option.

Her first thought was to put it back and pretend she'd never seen it, but that would be keeping a secret and hiding a weapon like she used to. Falling back into bad habits could turn out to be hazardous. Then she thought she'd throw it away, but something told her not to do it. Panic set in as a little voice inside her head came to life after being locked away long ago, telling her not to throw it because she needed it. She didn't want to need it.

Shaking her head she immediately reached inside her sweats pocket for her cell phone. She should call Danny, her loving boyfriend. He would know how to help her and erase the vicious voice from within. Yet just as her thumb covered the 'call' button, she froze.

Suddenly she felt drained, just like that day. The voice had taken control once more, tearing away at her defenses: _Danny doesn't really love you. All you do is cause more problems! If you call him now, he'll see that you can't just be normal and you'll never get better and then he'll leave you. Hide the razor just in case you need it in the future, if not right now…_

Gulping she tried to argue with herself but every silver lining she brought up, every optimistic viewing and quote she'd learned, every distraction she thought of was immediately shot down. No one was around to help her; she was alone. It would be so simple to take the blade and finish what she'd started, what had gotten her into this mess.

But she couldn't give up that easily. Danny never gave up, and he happened to be her hero. Maybe he truly didn't love her, but they'd always be best friends and best friends would still help each other out in times of need and stress such as this. So before she could actually think through her actions, she completed her dial and raised her cell to her ear all the while never taking her eyes off the shiny blade she used to call 'friend.'

He answered on the fourth ring, "Hey Sam, what's up? I fit all my stuff inside the truck with yours so you don't have to worry about renting another van or something." That's right, he and she were moving in together into an apartment on Amity University's campus, but the warm feeling she normally associated with this step in their relationship couldn't hold a flame to ward off the cold clawing at her heart.

"Danny, can you come over?" she meekly asked, voice cracking at the end. "I need you right now."

"Sam, is everything okay?" Now he sounded concerned, his voice taking on a slight echo as she assumed he switched forms to Phantom to fly over.

"I just need to talk to you about something I found. I don't know what to do and I'm a little scared if I'm being honest."

"I'm like a minute away, Sammy, hold on." When he finally did arrive he didn't digest the scene before him until after the horrid flashes from the last time he'd found her with a razor in her hand—covered in her own blood and ready to end it all—were blinked away. Carefully he approached her, unsure himself how to handle what may be a delicate situation. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I found this," she told him, eyes hardly wavering, "on accident and I don't know what to do. I'm not strong enough to keep it but I can't seem to force myself to throw it away. I never even used this one; it's my last resort."

"Well, why do you feel you need to keep it? Why's it calling to you?" She'd told him about how her razor used to talk to her and call her to it a few times, and he'd been spending time with Jazz when she went off to her therapy sessions. He wanted to be able to help Sam and be able to talk to her in times of weakness such as these.

"It's my last one, so I'm guessing subconsciously I know this is a huge stepping stone in my recovery," she theorized. "I won't be able to retrieve it and even though I want to stop and haven't inflicted any self-harm, part of my addiction still holds onto me and feels frightened that I'm throwing away my last hope of release."

"Is there anything it says you need a release from? What's it actually calling for you about?"

"Just the usual," Sam answered with a shrug. "Insecurities about our relationship, fears about college, and mostly its asking rhetorical questions. Ones it knows I can't answer—well, not fully at least."

"You have part of an answer?" Danny had finally made his way to Sam, in human form, to sit behind her in a comforting manner. She immediately leaned into his embrace as his hands soothingly rubbed her arms.

"I know that no matter what, my answer can't be cutting," she stated with confidence. She gently set the blade down before their sitting forms and crossed her arms as Danny's hugged her from behind. He felt pride with her decision even if she didn't quite understand how much improvement that statement proved she'd made.

Sam may not know that simply crossing out her old form of release extremely limited her addiction's influence. She may not know what to do now as she relaxed in his arms. But she did know she wouldn't be so naïve as to believe hurting herself could ever be her solution for anything ever again; if it ever truly had been one in the first place. She'd been wrong to think her problems would stop if she took herself out of the equation because that would hurt her friends and family, and that decision was irreversible. She was absolutely right, even if she'd yet to understand her words of wisdom.

She had other alternatives she could pursue, like talking to Jazz or her therapist; or joking around with Tucker when she needed to cheer up; or shopping with her mom now that they'd come to a compromise on clothing styles and colors; or cuddling with Danny, the love of her life. Cutting could no longer be her answer.

And it no longer needed to be.

**Short, I know. I hope you all liked it! I think my next story will be less dark and more uplifting(: Until next time, crazyreader11**


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